Holy Turd!

by Andrea Slattery

The first time I saw it was under the cover of night. I had stepped outside to have a smoke, and was met with horror when it appeared down the block two doors down. Not daring to approach the serpentine pile, some method of rationalization set in, and I realized that someone must have lost a leather belt.

Really, how could that be a pile of excrement? Andre the Giant would have had to hold it in for a month to build that up. Satisfied with my analysis, I returned to my abode.

The following day, truth revealed itself. It really was THAT! It began in a small curl, swung around, changed directions and ended in a large mass. The gross weight must have been at least 3-5 lbs.

It is definitely the biggest I have ever seen... and ever hope to for that matter. Feelings of disgust and amazement swirled through my head and churned my stomach.

Immediately I thought of the Loin's Mouth! Armed with a cheap camera, I sought to immortalize this epic object.

The pile stayed around a couple more days, until one morning on my way to work, I looked and it was gone. I'd like to think it's in some sort of compost now and wildflowers are growing from it.

This is a true testament to life in the neighborhood.